Sleepless in Copenhagen

It’s one of those nights where you do everything right. I stopped drinking coffee after 12 PM, I didn’t use my phone or electronic devices an hour before bed, yet here I’m unable to fall asleep. I recognize this moment as something similar before. I remember over ten years ago, laying in my first bedroom in Seattle after I just moved there. There was this feeling of missing friends.

I miss the comfort they provide, I miss the ease on which being in the same city does, I miss being able to having the possibility of texting and within the next few hours have them in my presence. Now everything is super intentional, not that while in the same city it wasn’t per say, but sometimes when you hang out, and how the act of occupying the same space is enough. With distance, every interaction is intentional. It makes me ask myself what my relationship to a lot of people are. Who am I going to call and spend the next few hours on the phone with? Who am I going to text about my day to not expect a response for at least 6 hours? There’s a lot of trust involved, there’s a lot of hope involved. It’s annoying how true how lonely the road of dreams can be yet over a month later, I’d still choose this road.

So what do I do in the meantime? I’m gonna get out of bed every morning … breathe in and out all day long. Then after a while, I won’t have to remind myself to get out of bed every morning and breathe in and out. And then after a while, I won’t have to think about how much I miss how perfect I had it for awhile because perfection is in the search, not the destination.